TONIGHT'S TOPIC: Steven, Sage, Nate, and Serena in their Creepy Love Triangle

Maneater:

Show of hands, who actually likes Steven? Ohh that's right, no body. I feel like Season Six should be going out with a bang, especially in the guy department.  I mean, if you're going to cast Chace Crawford and Ed Westwick right off the bat you have to understand those are some pretty big shoes to fill. At least the majority of Serena's past suitors have had some weird sex appeal (whether it be the million dollar man with the weird jaw from Season Four or the ex-convict with the rugged professor appeal) but this one looks like a potato man with a triangle nose. Do you not understand that this is the end of a chapter of our lives? This is the culmination of the hottest of the hot and I don't even want to see a Serena sex scene because I feel like I'm watching her get it on with the Pillsbury Doughboy. This is idiocy.    

I haven't even reached the part about his DAUGHTER DATING NATE.  Gossip Girl, you can't have  the naively malicious Constance student dating Nate Archibald. Do you not understand that he's been there? Was it not bad enough making him kiss Little J (give a second while I vomit)?! Poor Nate.  Always with the bitches. I mean come on, Blair, Juliet, Jenny, Vanessa, that weird Buckley ferret girl, Diana Payne...even Serena was a bitch to him. I really hope GG repays him for his horrible misfortune. He's just too sexy for this. I hope the Sage thing ends pronto.  

Not to mention Serena's like a step mother figure to the little nymphtoad. This plotline just needs to go away already, I'm sick of wanting to rip my hair from its roots every time The Ugly S's step on screen. 

XOXO, 

   The Maneater

P.S. Does anybody realize that all seasons thus far have been twenty two episodes or more?  They still don't even wrap things up by the end of the season the majority of the time...this is either major crisis orrrr they're just playing a joke on us and the season will be extended. I swear if they sacrifice the quality of the show just to get it done in time...my wrath will have no bounds.
P.P.S. Yes, I just dubbed Steven and Sage the "Ugly S's."



The Blonde:
I am going carry on the "Ugly S's" brought to us by the ever so fabulous Maneater. So Serena has a new boyfriend, that's no surprise, but guess what, it's Steven. Who is Steven you ask? Well ya know, I don't think that anyone can actually tell you because no one knows anything about him, except for the fact that he is waaaaaay older than Serena and his seventeen year old elf daughter is dating Nate. At least the rest of Serena's boyfriends had some sort of interesting factor about them, whether they were a drug dealer or the godly Nate Archibald. Steven is just old and frumpy. Not to mention his evil step daughter Sage. (She will now be referred to as "The Elf.") You know when Steven said that The Elf was his seventeen year old daughter that Nate was like "Oh shit, I slept with her...". But why would they make Nate date her in the first place?! I know they are just trying to give Sereven (taken from The Diabetic) a little fire to their flame, using Nage (also taken from The Diabetic). BUT THIS IS NOT OK. Nate can't date another Little J. Not another scheming, obnoxious, slutty, SEVENTEEN YEAR OLD Constance girl. No, I won't stand for this. I mean I am totally fine with the Elf breaking up Sereven, but just as long as her and Nate break up in the process. This is in addition to fact that at the Adult Manhattan Party, Sage legitimately looked like a monkey. Her ears were protruding from her head about 2 feet. Not to mention the jungle print dress she had on, which just aided to the monkey theme. (Picture shown at the bottom). Also, why at the end of the episode did she randomly become mexican and put on that hideous hat. In the words of the Maneater, "Dora in a Fedora" (Picture shown at the bottom). I have a feeling that neither of these relationships will last to long, due to the fact that they are one scandal away from imploding. 

CAUTION: These pictures contain images that may cause small children to have terrible nightmares. Viewer discretion is advised. 

XOXO,
The ParkerD


Carebear:

  I agree whole heartedly with both Maneater and the Blonde. This whole weird, semi-incestuous love rectangle is just not doing it for me. Point A: Steven and Sage are not cute, they just aren't (which would make sense, because they're related.) Last time I checked, teenage girls are not attracted to dumpy middle aged men. Steven must be really really good in bed, a secret cocaine dealer, or Serena is just certifiably insane (I'm leaning towards a combination of all three), if it isn't one of these things, I can not fathom why Serena and Steven are together. Beautiful people were made for beautiful people, and Steven and Serena do not satisfy this equation. As for Sage, she looks like a child, and she has this aura of witchy nymphness about her constantly. Who finds that attractive? Apparently Nate Archibald. Point B: These relationships are boring, and uneventful. I feel as if the "Ugly S's" are so far removed from the original characters that I don't care about them. At all. Point C: The Blonde and Maneater make a brilliant point. When are they going to let Nate end up with someone that isn't unattractive, incredibly manipulative, or just plain wrong? I'm looking forward to watching these relationships implode, hopefully they will quickly and with devastating consequences to the 'Ugly S's."

XOXO, 

Carebear

The Diabetic:

So this love triangle, or is it a love rectangle? Either way, it's jacked up. It's not the fact that I don't want Serena to be in a relationship, just not with a guy that is old enough to be her father! Not really, but man is he an old fart. Which would YOU choose: Steven (#ew) or Nate Archibald? I don't know about you guys, but I would gladly take Nate in a heartbeat. Do we even know Steven's last name? And let's not forget, he has a daughter very close in age to Serena. Not to mention the fact that his daughter's name is Sage. Like, who names their child after a spice? Pretty sure sage is a spice. She looks like Paige the Dike from Pretty Little Liars. That scares me. In addition, that hat at the end of episode 2.... That hat deserves to be burned. I. Hate. Hats. With a burning passion. Just adds to the terrible character that is Sage No-Last-Name-Daughter-Of-Old-Man or whatever. Serena, go back to Nate. He's hot af. Or even go back to Dan, although I hate him too. He's been looking quite emaciated lately, or maybe that's just because he's always by the chunky Georgina. Steven and Sage need to be exiled from Manhattan never to be seen again. I mean, come one. If you're going to introduce new characters in the final 10 episodes of the greatest show ever created, you HAVE to make them hot. Steven definitely does not match Chuck or Nate or even Dan on the hotness level. He's old and gross. Is he even rich...? 

Sereven and Nage are going down.

XOXO,

The Diabetic

P.S. Chuck and Blair fo evaaaa