Dirty Rotten Scandals: Not SO Rotten After All

I think we all can agree that episode 3 really did have those good gossip girl scandals we all know, crave, and love. Starting out, we see that Ivy is still a bitch. Le duh. Sweetheart, you can't just tell Gossip Girl that Rufus is going to sue his own son, not cool koolaid hair, not cool. And apparently, her and Rufus are now official after their incestual love affair... please excuse me while I vomit everywhere then proceed to jump off a building.

Then we have Serena who is trying to be a mentor to Sage. No offense Serena, but when you were her age, you were a druggy, alcoholic slut. With that being said, I'm not so sure that you are really fit to be a mentor, but I like the enthusiasm. But hey, you successfully got her to strip in front of a bunch of people, so I think you have her headed in the right direction! Lolz.

This episode also provided us with more of ever so fabulous Chair! (That gave me little happy fuzzies inside). The amount of Chair in this episode was just complete perfection. They are just so cute, they make me want to shed a tear of joy :) Too bad that MONKEY FACE (Sage) HAD TO RUIN BLAIR'S FASHION SHOW BY BEING A LITTLE HO AND STRIPPIN' IN FRONT OF EVERYONE, WHICH MEANS THAT BLAIR AND CHUCK WILL HAVE TO BE APART LONGER. I have Sage's noose ready.

Then to add to us having to deal with Sage's sheer insanity, there is butthole Dan who sold his story to Vanity Fair after promising it to Nate! Why would you hurt my boy Nate Archibald, shame on you. Also, DAN you can clearly see that Nelly likes you. She gave you advice and then was like, "You can always stay with me" and then you passed her up for a ho who offered to buy you a drink, and you did this RIGHT IN FRONT OF NELLY. Way to go Dan, you pissed me off twice within a 30 second period. GO DIE IN A HOLE.

This episode was much better then the last two, so hopefully this is a good sign. Maybe the episodes will just continue to get better and better! Us die-hard gg fans can only hope.

XOXO,
The ParkerD

Little Prince Louis

My dog recently had 8 puppies, and since I love gossip girl, I names one Prince Louis. Even though I hate the real Gossip Girl Prince Louis because he is evil, we all must salute him for letting chair reunite. 

He loves pinecones :)

Father son picture, totes adorbs. 

I love my lil Princey :)

XOXO, 

The ParkerD

Getting Published

Dear my fellow bloggers,
I'm pleased to announce that I will be writing an editorial for the upcoming school newspaper on none other than our dear Gossip Girl.  I will (obviously) be interviewing you authors, and this very blog will be mentioned.  Therefore, be aware that every member of the Upper School will know about us.  Do what you need to do in terms of cleanin' it up a little bit.
This being said, what makes us fun is our sass. We don't have to eliminate anything the least bit scandalous at all, basically just don't say anything too graphic.  So far, we're good.  Sex references are by no means off limits.
Get pumped. Get organized. Get ready.
#famous
XOXO,
   The Maneater

WE GOT A TWITTER

So we got a twitter, pretty exciting right. You can find us @msgossipgirls or just click the link.

https://twitter.com/MSGossipGirls

XOXO,
The Mississippi Gossip Girls

CHAIR FO EVA

A little dedication to the beauty that is Chair. 

Get it you sexy thangs.  

I was pretty sure my life was over during this scene.  

I think we all shed a tear on this one. 

XOXO, 

The ParkerD

Sage...

Thought this was quite humorous.

Well glad to know that she is a man who is apparently wise?
Maybe she will succeed in her plans to destroy Serena and Steve's relationship and can prove that she can live up to her name. The wise man named Sage.

XOXO,
The Codster

p.s. Sage's little monkey heart can't take on the Upper East side (AKA. Blaire, Chuck, Nate, Serena, and the whole lot).

Who is the Sluttiest of Them All?

So the Diabetic and I decided to team up on this topic. After many hours of rigorous research and discussion, we decided that it doesn't matter who is the sluttiest, because they are all so freaking perfect, but we decided to share our findings with you all anyways. We have listed every fling, hook up, and relationship that we could think of. Our sincerest apologies if we have forgotten something, but you must remember... this is the Upper East Side, a.k.a. too many hook ups to count. 

Serena van der Woodsen

• Sex with Nate at the Shepard wedding
• Dan 
• Aaron 
• Dan (3x)
• Gabriel
• Carter
• Tripp
• Nate
• Collin
• Ben
• Max
• Sex with Dan at Shepard divorce party
• Steven (bleh)

Nate Archibald

• Blair (2x)
• Catherine
• Vanessa (2x)
• Jenny (excuse us while we vomit) 
• Bree Buckley 
• Serena
• Lots of one night stands from Chuck’s little black book
• Juliet
• Dianna 
• Lola 
• Sage (excuse us while we vomit AGAIN)

Blair Waldorf

• Nate
• Sex with Chuck (2x)
• Nate
• Marcus
• Carter
• Nate
• Chuck
• Hate sex with Chuck
• Dan
• Louis
• Dan 
• Chuck

Chuck Bass

• Loses virginity to Georgina in the sixth grade #lolz
• Tries to get with Serena and Jenny in the Pilot
• Sex with Blair (2x)
• Numerous random one night stands and prostitutes
• Sleeps with Vanessa 
• Blair
• Sleeps with Jenny
• Eva
• Lots of hate sex with Blair
• Chair forever

Dan Humphrey

• Vanessa(2x)
• Serena (3x)
• Georgina
• Olivia
• Vanessa
• Blair

Jenny Humphrey (Little J)

 

• Asher 
• Turns out to be gay #lolz
• Nate
• Damien
• Goes for Nate
• Loses virginity to Chuck

Vanessa Abrahams

• Dan
• Nate
• Chuck
• Nate
• Dan
• Scott (Dan and Serena’s half-brother)

XOXO, 

The ParkerD and The Diabetic

Let's Get Real

Alright y'all, it's time for my thoughts on this season. Yes, it is extremely disappointing. As a Chair fan from the start, I desperately want them together. And I mean actually together not this "pact" nonsense. Let's speed that process up. Next, let me say that I think that the writers have obviously been going through a traumatic time because all of this incest is getting out of hand. Rufus, Ivy, Steven, Sage? Stop it! Alright, now I do love this show and the wardrobe and the extremely hot men, but I have to say that they are not at their best this season. Is it just me or is everybody sporting ridiculous hair styles? Dan looks like he has a toupee for crying out loud. And maybe it's our terrible TV screens, but I believe that I saw a shaved piece of Chuck's head. I won't even go into Serena's. To address the Jenny situation, let me say that I seriously wish that she could have just left forever. But I did call that she was coming back. Just saying. I can't wait to see what comes, as long as it's better than what's been going on.

xoxo
The Legs

Dorota Watch

Dorota has many words of wisdom, here are some:

So, Dorota is accused of being Gossip Girl...

Thoughts on this accusation by a tumblr peep?


Dorota is my idol.

XOXO,
The Codster

CHUCK CHUCK CHUCK

Well just in case you forgot how insanely hot Chuck is here's a reminder...

you're welcome.

XOXO,
The Codster

Cry Little J, Cry

We all share an intense hatred for Little J, so I thought these pictures might bring a little sunshine to your day. 

I hope you got a warm, fuzzy feeling inside. 

XOXO, 

The ParkerD

Dorota Watch

Dorota is not pleased! She will be watching!

This new section is called the Dorota Watch. If anyone finds some good Dorota moments feel free to post a picture or a gif anytime!

XOXO,

The Codster

Oh Sexy Nate

 

XOXO,
The ParkerD

Kendrick Lamar...Chuck Bass?

I'd like to call all of our attention the the song Swimming Pools (Drank).  Is it just me or does it somewhat remind you of our favorite Bassface? Food for thought. Plus this song makes me want to make babies.

XOXO,
   The Maneater

Episode Dos

So.... For all you bloggers out there who don't know me I am the Codster, who is an epic blogger (check out my other blog Hello, People Welcome)! Well, I just had time out of my terribly busy schedule to watch Gossip Girl season 6 episode 2. Let's just say it was a little bit of a let down... First off Nage was just having some nice morning sex.. Awk (btw Sage is still in high school...cool cat). Where the heck did Rufus and ugly Orange head chickypoo go? They're probably on a get away vacation... That whole business made me seriously uncomfortable to begin with and then when it showed them snuggled up on the tiny chair when Dan walked in to see them nuzzling each other.. WEiRD. 
Moving on. Why is Georgina becoming more creepy with every episode and increasingly rotund? But I did enjoy her makeup when she was wearing the nice black beaded dress-like clothing. And did anyone else happen to see how massive her boobs were looking in her dress that she wore to the Adult Manhattan party, and it was a little bit on the hideous side. And whoever mentioned Dan looking emaciated you were right, but the reason might be that he has a slight 5 o'clock shadow. I am curious what he has written in his exposé on the Upper Eastside.  
Okay... Bart Bass... He really needs to die because no one likes him..no one. And what is the big secret because really I feel like it's probs not going to be that big of a deal when Chuck eventually figures it out. Chuck...'Nough said! I miss Chair like a child misses their blanket but I've got to get a move on with my life. Haha. But no Fergie I ain't getting a move on, Sorry! Fo real though when are they going to be able to get back together, the suspense is killing me! 
Then there is the whole Sage the 17 year old girl in high school that Nate is dating whose father is Steven who dates Serena who first told Steven her name was Sabrina... like what! And then at the party Sage showed up in a jungle dress with her hair in a stylish bun that accented her monkey ears and the helped with making her look a fool when she saw Nate and smiled apparently trying to look sheepish at him. Well that look did not work out for her. Also S baby you need to go back to the beauty salon and get your hair washed for one because it was a little on the greasy side and also you should get those roots checked out, just saying.  

This is pretty much my interpretation on Gossip Girl season 6...

XOXO,
The Codster 

Love Him

Just thought I would make your day a little better.
                     

Disappointment

I agree with everything that Maneater has mentioned. These past two episodes have been such a disappointment.  I was looking forward to some serious Chuck and Blair action, beautiful people, and interesting drama. So far the cast is still beautiful,with the exception of a few of my least favorite characters, but concerning the drama I'm disappointed.
 Throwing it back to the first episode: am I the only one who would have liked to find Serena, not happily on the arm of some creepy pedophile named Steven, but addicted to cocaine (again) and prostituting herself for attention? I feel as if this would have been a much more interesting alternative. In addition to Serena's relationship being dull (who cares he has a 17 year old daughter that is sleeping with Nate) we barely see Chuck and Blair in action, maybe I missed something, but to me, a pact to stay away from each other in order to develop their separate business endeavors is not at all romantic.
Maybe my expectations are way too high, but if this season doesn't pick up I'm going to be severly disappointed.
Looking forward to our discussion tonight, even if it does mean failing History.

#obsession

You know you love me.

XOXO
Gossip Girl

TONIGHT'S TOPIC: Steven, Sage, Nate, and Serena in their Creepy Love Triangle

Maneater:

Show of hands, who actually likes Steven? Ohh that's right, no body. I feel like Season Six should be going out with a bang, especially in the guy department.  I mean, if you're going to cast Chace Crawford and Ed Westwick right off the bat you have to understand those are some pretty big shoes to fill. At least the majority of Serena's past suitors have had some weird sex appeal (whether it be the million dollar man with the weird jaw from Season Four or the ex-convict with the rugged professor appeal) but this one looks like a potato man with a triangle nose. Do you not understand that this is the end of a chapter of our lives? This is the culmination of the hottest of the hot and I don't even want to see a Serena sex scene because I feel like I'm watching her get it on with the Pillsbury Doughboy. This is idiocy.    

I haven't even reached the part about his DAUGHTER DATING NATE.  Gossip Girl, you can't have  the naively malicious Constance student dating Nate Archibald. Do you not understand that he's been there? Was it not bad enough making him kiss Little J (give a second while I vomit)?! Poor Nate.  Always with the bitches. I mean come on, Blair, Juliet, Jenny, Vanessa, that weird Buckley ferret girl, Diana Payne...even Serena was a bitch to him. I really hope GG repays him for his horrible misfortune. He's just too sexy for this. I hope the Sage thing ends pronto.  

Not to mention Serena's like a step mother figure to the little nymphtoad. This plotline just needs to go away already, I'm sick of wanting to rip my hair from its roots every time The Ugly S's step on screen. 

XOXO, 

   The Maneater

P.S. Does anybody realize that all seasons thus far have been twenty two episodes or more?  They still don't even wrap things up by the end of the season the majority of the time...this is either major crisis orrrr they're just playing a joke on us and the season will be extended. I swear if they sacrifice the quality of the show just to get it done in time...my wrath will have no bounds.
P.P.S. Yes, I just dubbed Steven and Sage the "Ugly S's."



The Blonde:
I am going carry on the "Ugly S's" brought to us by the ever so fabulous Maneater. So Serena has a new boyfriend, that's no surprise, but guess what, it's Steven. Who is Steven you ask? Well ya know, I don't think that anyone can actually tell you because no one knows anything about him, except for the fact that he is waaaaaay older than Serena and his seventeen year old elf daughter is dating Nate. At least the rest of Serena's boyfriends had some sort of interesting factor about them, whether they were a drug dealer or the godly Nate Archibald. Steven is just old and frumpy. Not to mention his evil step daughter Sage. (She will now be referred to as "The Elf.") You know when Steven said that The Elf was his seventeen year old daughter that Nate was like "Oh shit, I slept with her...". But why would they make Nate date her in the first place?! I know they are just trying to give Sereven (taken from The Diabetic) a little fire to their flame, using Nage (also taken from The Diabetic). BUT THIS IS NOT OK. Nate can't date another Little J. Not another scheming, obnoxious, slutty, SEVENTEEN YEAR OLD Constance girl. No, I won't stand for this. I mean I am totally fine with the Elf breaking up Sereven, but just as long as her and Nate break up in the process. This is in addition to fact that at the Adult Manhattan Party, Sage legitimately looked like a monkey. Her ears were protruding from her head about 2 feet. Not to mention the jungle print dress she had on, which just aided to the monkey theme. (Picture shown at the bottom). Also, why at the end of the episode did she randomly become mexican and put on that hideous hat. In the words of the Maneater, "Dora in a Fedora" (Picture shown at the bottom). I have a feeling that neither of these relationships will last to long, due to the fact that they are one scandal away from imploding. 

CAUTION: These pictures contain images that may cause small children to have terrible nightmares. Viewer discretion is advised. 

XOXO,
The ParkerD


Carebear:

  I agree whole heartedly with both Maneater and the Blonde. This whole weird, semi-incestuous love rectangle is just not doing it for me. Point A: Steven and Sage are not cute, they just aren't (which would make sense, because they're related.) Last time I checked, teenage girls are not attracted to dumpy middle aged men. Steven must be really really good in bed, a secret cocaine dealer, or Serena is just certifiably insane (I'm leaning towards a combination of all three), if it isn't one of these things, I can not fathom why Serena and Steven are together. Beautiful people were made for beautiful people, and Steven and Serena do not satisfy this equation. As for Sage, she looks like a child, and she has this aura of witchy nymphness about her constantly. Who finds that attractive? Apparently Nate Archibald. Point B: These relationships are boring, and uneventful. I feel as if the "Ugly S's" are so far removed from the original characters that I don't care about them. At all. Point C: The Blonde and Maneater make a brilliant point. When are they going to let Nate end up with someone that isn't unattractive, incredibly manipulative, or just plain wrong? I'm looking forward to watching these relationships implode, hopefully they will quickly and with devastating consequences to the 'Ugly S's."

XOXO, 

Carebear

The Diabetic:

So this love triangle, or is it a love rectangle? Either way, it's jacked up. It's not the fact that I don't want Serena to be in a relationship, just not with a guy that is old enough to be her father! Not really, but man is he an old fart. Which would YOU choose: Steven (#ew) or Nate Archibald? I don't know about you guys, but I would gladly take Nate in a heartbeat. Do we even know Steven's last name? And let's not forget, he has a daughter very close in age to Serena. Not to mention the fact that his daughter's name is Sage. Like, who names their child after a spice? Pretty sure sage is a spice. She looks like Paige the Dike from Pretty Little Liars. That scares me. In addition, that hat at the end of episode 2.... That hat deserves to be burned. I. Hate. Hats. With a burning passion. Just adds to the terrible character that is Sage No-Last-Name-Daughter-Of-Old-Man or whatever. Serena, go back to Nate. He's hot af. Or even go back to Dan, although I hate him too. He's been looking quite emaciated lately, or maybe that's just because he's always by the chunky Georgina. Steven and Sage need to be exiled from Manhattan never to be seen again. I mean, come one. If you're going to introduce new characters in the final 10 episodes of the greatest show ever created, you HAVE to make them hot. Steven definitely does not match Chuck or Nate or even Dan on the hotness level. He's old and gross. Is he even rich...? 

Sereven and Nage are going down.

XOXO,

The Diabetic

P.S. Chuck and Blair fo evaaaa

H's Locker.

Yes, this is real. The contents of the Diabetic's locker.

Episode 2 Text Thread Highlights

H: Gee I hope we see Rufus and Ivy get it on.  #not
CJ: Hahaha.  That kind of really freaked me out.  #emotionallyscarring

EA: Why is Serena's left boob bigger than her right

H: Steven is such a terrible name.  So is sage.

H:  Serena's wearing louboutins.  Well done.
C: She looks awesome as always.  Too bad Steven is a poop head.
EA: F Steven.
C:  Really though.  Watch him say that Sage is his sister.
J: They were holding hands!
H: Sage is his offspring.
C: How do you know that H?
H: Blake Lively is the definition of perfection.  I read spoilers.  I look around on tumblr.
J: Stop telling us!
C: STOP HUGHES.  you suck.  But she really is.

H: I seriously am going to be depressed when this ends.

H: Where's Lola?
C: Lola peaced out.
A: Hell
J: Lola needs to come back.
MP: She was snazzy.
A: Lola doesn't need to come back.  She creeps me out
A: Oh wait...I'm thinking Charlie

MP: Y'all this is like a gossip girl blog
EA: We could publish this and make bank.
H: Let's create one of those love blogs like the presidential debates.
C: We should.  Hey guys I want a cheetah to do my mascara now.

H: Ivy needs to go.  Her voice is too raspy and her hair looks like an orange raped her head.
EA: Her voice is getting raspier.  I'm waiting for the episode when she just starts squeaking.
H: <mouse emojis>
C: Hahaha.  Oh when that day comes...
J: It'll be during sex with Rufus.
EA: Ha gottem.
H: Ew no
C: Hahaha her moans will turn into squeaks.
J: Like a mouse.

H: I have a chem test tomorrow
J: Well I do too.  But I mean, YOGGO

H: I hate Dan.
C: I do too.  He kind of sucks.
J: Guys his hair is really cool.  Just kidding.
H: Lol.  His hair sucks.
C: Ha it looks like he took olive oil and rubbed it in then got Georgina to lick it.

C: Where is her baby?
EA: She thew Milo in a dumpster.

H: What happened to college
A: Who goes to college anymore?
C: College is for poor people.

MP: WHO THE HECK DOES SERENA'S HAIR
EA: I know.  It's frizzcentral.

H: Georgina ewwww.  She looks like a zombie.
C: She looks ridiculous. Y'all she too pale for that red lip.
MP: Her arms are pudgy.
J: It's practically black.

H: CHAIR
EA: That could be either Blair and Chuck or Chuck's hair, neither of which are in good shape at the moment.
C: Good thing he is so hot it doesn't bother me.
J: What the poop

C: Is Nelly in Jenny Packham?  Party foul.

H: I wish Little J would make an appearance
J: I wish Little J would die.
C: What?  Where is she?
H: She's basically dead.
EA: London
C: Maybe she'll drown in the Thames...?


H: There's not enough Chuck and Blair.  It's obnoxious.

EA: Dora Dora Dora in a fedora (SageProbz)
EA: Like why does she look Mexican

EA: Sage the nymph.
C: She's 17!!!
H: Nate will die in jail.
MP: WAAAAAH
EA: That 's what I'm going to be doing next year.  Getting my Nate Archibald on.
MP: I'll do Nate Archibald.  Tell me when and where and I'll be there.  No joke.  He.Is.So.Sexy.
C: Hahaha who would refuse him?
MP: A blind person maybe.
C: He could never rape me.  It would ALWAYS be consensual.
H: If any of these guys rape you it's still not rape.
J: Dan?  That's rape.
MP: Or Rufus, that might be weird
C: Ehhh I used to like him.
H: Or Bart.
C: Still, Rufus is okay.  Bart is really wealthy. He'll pay me to lie about it.  Is it bad that I'm okay with that?
MP: Or Eric.  He is gay.
EA: I'm going to be honest I would do any member of this show besides Carol.

Get it Together

Am I the only one who remembers real Charlie (a.k.a. Lola) giving fake Charlie (a.k.a. Ivy) a large sum of money and telling her to "take Lilly down"? Now Ivy has nasty orange hair, her raspy voice is getting worse (I'm pretty sure), and she is living in the loft with Rufus because she had "no place to go". Lola apparently "landed a role in a TV show" and dropped off the face of the planet. But don't worry, Ivy still manages to call Lola to tell her all about her plans to "manipulate and seduce" Rufus.  Ivy then procedes to pretty much rape Rufus and then... well we don't know what happens because IT WASN'T IN EPISODE 2. No one wanted to see them get it on anyway, and I feel horrible for Dan to have to see his father and orange hair like that. I am thoroughly disappointed. 

Also, why did they make Nate become a freaking pedophile. Sage is 17 and looks like an elf. And her dad is dating Serena who is like 3 years older then his daughter, which is just creepy. 

Don't get me started on Bart Bass. I'm pretty sure he died like 3 years ago. Why is he here. 

THEY ARE MAKING BLAIR LOSE. Blair Waldorf doesn't lose. Especially to one of her old minions. 

And now Georgina and Dan are BFFs and Georgina STILL can't dress herself and is still as creepy (if not creepier) as ever. "I thought we agreed you would stop watching me sleep". No one should have to say that. 

This season only has 10 episodes, so they better get there stuff together because there are only 8 episodes left and currently there are about 50 plot lines that have yet to make sense to anyone. 

XOXO
The ParkerD

I'm Underwhelmed

The first two episodes of the final season of Gossip Girl ever should be epic.  Tremendous.  Spectacular.  Magnificent.

Contrary to my expectations, the first two episodes have been significantly under par.  I find myself screaming at the screen about Chuck's prison-mate hair or Sage's vulture arms more than marveling at Nate's sheer beauty or Serena's impeccable wardrobe, which completely defeats the purpose of Gossip Girl.

First of all, what is Bart Bass doing?  Nothing.  The drama surrounding him is irrelevant and boring.  Why'd they even bring him back?

Is it just me or is Georgina just getting creepier and creepier?...

They didn't even put Ivy in the second episode.  They just left us watching Rufus and her doughy little gnome body post-sex snuggle and don't even show her in the next episode.  Um...what?  If you're going to have some weird ex-fake-niece-and-step-uncle-but-still-feels-incestual sex, you have to at least follow up a little bit.

Dan needs to eject himself from a window.

There is so much more to complain about that I can't even include at the moment.
Ultimately, I'm pissed.  Pick it up GG.

Xoxo,
The Maneater